Stresslaxing can be Stressfull!

Recognizing you are stressed and need to relax is a good step toward helping yourself. However, if finding ways to de-stress adds more stress, you may feel “stresslaxed.” This counterproductive effect can lead to a cycle of increased anxiety and worry. Stresslaxed refers to when anxious or stressed people try to calm down by forcing themselves to take a break or unwind. Forcing relaxation can make them more anxious and worry about how well they are actually relaxing. The clinical term for stresslaxed is relaxation-induced anxiety. If you already struggle with generalized anxiety or overthinking, you may be more prone to stresslaxing. People with this issue might also experience panic attacks and increased anxiety. Some may even become depressed because they can’t relax freely.

Is the Brain Resistant to Forced Relaxation (Stresslaxing)?

In many ways, the brain is wired to be anxious, especially the amygdala, which is constantly scanning for danger. Our brains are always on, designed to be alert and worried about potential threats. This anxiety serves a purpose by keeping us aware of dangers that could harm us. However, people with anxiety, worry, and constant ruminations often struggle with cognitive control. They find it hard to pause or set aside certain thoughts. For some, staying busy is a way to cope because being calm or having too much space can bring up negative thoughts or memories of past trauma. This need to stay active is a way to avoid confronting uncomfortable emotions. Understanding this can help us recognize why some people find it hard to relax or be still. It can also prevent stresslaxing, where attempts to relax are overshadowed by lingering worries. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward better managing anxiety.

Some Folks Have a Hard Time Relaxing

People find it difficult to relax due to external pressures and internal dynamics.External pressures, like work, study, family, and other commitments, make people feel constantly “switched on” and at the beck and call of others. They may feel obligated to meet these demands and think they are not allowed any downtime or space to relax.Work time and leisure time no longer have clear boundaries. Long ago, the workday ended at 5 pm, weekends were for rest, and stores were closed on Sundays, making home time and relaxation easier. These predictable guidelines don’t exist anymore.

Technology, access, and modern conveniences have blurred the lines between work and play, leading to “weisure,” the merging of work and leisure activities. This makes it hard to carve out relaxation time.Internal dynamics include the drive to keep active and not giving oneself permission to slow down and relax. Some people worry that if they relax, they will be bored. Others fear that by slowing down, they will have to focus too much on their thoughts or feelings.

Are there long-term consequences of not being able to properly relax? Chronic stress can lead to high blood pressure, heart attacks, strokes, fatigue, ulcers, headaches, backaches, difficulty concentrating, and irritability.Depression and anxiety can increase, as well as social, relational, and interpersonal difficulties. Not being able to switch off and relax can reset the nervous system to function at an overly stimulated level. Over time, this makes it harder to elicit a relaxation response.Some people feel agitated, on edge, and anxious “from the neck down” but don’t feel mentally anxious. This indicates the need to actively reset their default activation state through intentional relaxation practice.

Here are Some Ideas to Help You Relax so You Don’t Stresslax

Relaxation is not as passive as people think. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone and is a skill we need to practice regularly to fully benefit from it.

Often, people confuse relaxation with zoning out. While this can give our brain a break, the real goal is to downshift our nervous system. Downshifting happens through an active process designed to elicit the relaxation response, the opposite of the fight-or-flight response. This counteracts stress and returns our nervous system to balance.You can trigger the relaxation response through visualization, muscle relaxation, massage, breathing techniques, meditation, prayer, and yoga.

Set boundaries to keep work and home separate

Powering down technology early each night can help you unwind and sleep better. Make it a habit to turn off screens at least an hour before bed. This simple action gives your mind time to relax and reset. Prioritize self-care every day to keep stress in check. Simple things like deep breathing, taking short walks, or spending time on hobbies can make a big difference. By managing stress daily, you can avoid the need for stresslaxing, which is when stress builds up and you try to relax in a rushed way. Consistent self-care prevents stress from piling up, making your relaxation time more effective. Small steps like these help you stay calm and balanced.

Consider the Benson Relaxation Method

Find a comfortable position where you can sit without distractions. Close your eyes and focus on relaxing your body, starting from your feet and working your way up to your head. Feel each muscle let go of tension as you move through your body. Once you’re fully relaxed, focus on your breathing. Breathe slowly and deeply, letting each breath calm you. Try to do this for 20 minutes. If this feels challenging at first, that’s okay. Start with just 5 minutes and gradually increase the time as you get more comfortable. Over time, this practice can help reduce stress and improve your overall well-being. It’s a simple way to practice mindfulness and avoid stresslaxing, where you try to unwind in a rushed or ineffective way. Stick with it, and you’ll likely find it gets easier and more beneficial each day.

Think about your list of “done” items

Instead of worrying about what’s left on your to-do list, take a moment to remember what you’ve already accomplished. Reflect on the tasks you’ve finished, no matter how small they seem. This simple shift in focus can help you stay in the moment and feel a sense of pride in what you’ve done. Celebrating your completed tasks can give you a much-needed break and encourage relaxation. When you focus on what you’ve achieved, it reduces the stress of unfinished work and helps you unwind more effectively. This practice keeps you from falling into the trap of stresslaxing, where you try to relax but can’t fully let go because of lingering worries. By appreciating your progress, you create a positive mindset that supports true relaxation and well-being. Make it a habit, and you’ll likely find yourself feeling more balanced and less stressed.

Try a 5-minute meditation

Studies show that just 5 minutes of deep breathing, silence, and rest can improve your mental and physical well-being. Even a short break can make a big difference in how you feel. If you have more time, consider extending your practice. Try a guided meditation using an app, which can help you focus and relax more deeply. If meditation isn’t your thing, simply resting, taking a nap, or enjoying some quiet time alone can be just as beneficial. These moments of calm help reset your mind and body, making it easier to handle stress. Whether it’s a quick deep-breathing session or a longer meditation, these practices are effective ways to boost your health. They can prevent stresslaxing, where you try to unwind but can’t fully relax. Make time for these small but powerful breaks, and you’ll likely notice an improvement in your overall mood and energy.

Use the 5,4,3,2,1 Technique

Try this simple exercise to reduce anxiety and promote relaxation. Start by finding 5 things you can see around you. Next, notice 4 things you can touch, focusing on their texture and feel. Then, listen for 3 different sounds, paying attention to each one. After that, take a deep breath and identify 2 things you can smell. Finally, find 1 thing you can taste, even if it’s just the taste of your own mouth. This practice helps ground you in the present moment by engaging your senses. It’s a quick and easy way to calm your mind when you’re feeling stressed. By focusing on what’s around you, you shift your attention away from anxious thoughts and into the here and now. This simple exercise can prevent stresslaxing, where you try to relax but find it hard to fully unwind. Practicing this regularly can help you stay calm and focused.